50 THINGS YOU WOULD
LOVE TO SAY OUT LOUD AT WORK
1. I can see your
point, but I still think you're full of sh!t.
2. I don't know what
your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is
never good for you?
4. I see you've set
aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to
get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
6. Who lit the fuse on
your tampon?
7. I'm out of my mind,
but feel free to leave a message.
8. I don't work here.
I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like
English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
10. Ahhhh. I see the
f*&k-up fairy has visited us again.
11. I like you. You
remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
12 You are validating
my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of
talent and vision; I just don't give a sh!t.
14. I'm already
visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always
cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're
all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no
one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any resemblance
between your reality and mine are purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper
for freaks?!
20. I'm not being rude.
You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless
job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent
of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. And your cry-baby
whiny-arsed opinion would be?
24. Do I look like a
f-ing people person to you?
25. This isn't an
office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with
nothing and I still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one
more service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick,
will you leave?
29. Errors have been
made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of
look you were aiming for, you missed.
31. Oh I get it. Like
humour, but different.........
32. An office is just a
mental institute without the padded walls.
33. Can I swap this job
for what's behind door..........1?
34. Too many freaks, not
enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume (or
aftershave). Must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic, and
disorder. My work here is done.
37. How do I set a
laser printer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted
a career; it turns out I just needed the money.
39. I'll try being
nicer if you'll try being more intelligent.
40. Wait a minute - I'm
trying to imagine you with a personality.
41. Aren't you a black
hole of need.
42. I'd like to help
you out, which way did you come in?
43. Did you eat an
extra bowl of stupid this morning?
44. Why don't you slip
into something more comfortable? Like a coma.
45. If you have
something to say raise your hand... then place it over your mouth.
46. I'm too busy, can I
ignore you some other time?
47. Don't let your mind
wander, it's too small to be let out on its own.
48. Have a nice day,
somewhere else.
49. You're not yourself
today, I noticed the improvement straight away.
50. Do you hear that?
That's the sound of no-one caring.
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